The Word-Salad Strategist is a corporate organism that has evolved to survive entirely on Vaporware. They don’t possess technical skills, and they certainly don’t have “The Grit,” so they have developed a camouflage made of multi-syllabic buzzwords. They don’t speak to communicate; they speak to confuse. In their world, a “broken printer” isn’t a mechanical failure—it’s a “disruptive pivot in our physical-to-digital output synergy“.
Written and created by Dennis Harvell
A Field Guide to Corporate Hypocrisy | Entry No. 7 | Strategic Emptiness – The Word-Salad Strategist
Species: Verbis Inutilis
Habitat: Any workplace where saying something confidently is valued more than saying something meaningful.
🎯 The Hunting Tactic: The “Vocabulary Flex”
The Strategist’s primary weapon is the Unnecessary Synonym.
A simple update becomes a status alignment.
A problem becomes a challenge vector.
A question becomes an exploration opportunity.
They believe that every additional syllable adds authority to the sentence.
It doesn’t.
It merely increases the odds that everyone else will stop asking follow-up questions.
This allows the Strategist to appear busy without the inconvenience of producing a measurable result.
🧠 The System Exploit: The “Cloud” of Importance
The Strategist is the human version of a “Cloud-Based” service—they exist everywhere and nowhere at the same time. If you try to pin them down to a specific “User Story” or a “Jira Ticket,” they will accuse you of being “too tactical” or “lacking the 30,000-foot view.”
They use Complexity as a Shield. If you can’t understand the strategy, you can’t point out that there is no strategy.
💻 The Heart-Ware Advice: The “Sovereign” Audit
When dealing with a Word-Salad Strategist, remember: Vagueness is the enemy of Sovereignty.
As a Project Manager, your job is “The Truth.” When someone throws a salad at you, don’t try to eat it. Deconstruct it. If a sentence doesn’t have a verb, a deadline, or a person responsible, it isn’t a strategy—it’s a System Error.
🎤 The High Note
The next time a Strategist tries to “Holistically Leverage” your time, don’t argue with their vocabulary. Use their own weapon against them, then make your exit.
“I love the ‘Omni-channel Synergy’ you’re describing, Dave. It sounds like a total game-changer. Since I’m a ‘Linear Execution Specialist,’ I’ll wait for you to translate that into a ‘Binary Action Plan’ with actual dates. Until then, I’m going to ‘Strategically Pivot’ my attention toward a sandwich. Catch you on the flip side!”
(Walk out while they are still trying to figure out what a “Binary Action Plan” is.)
📌 Product Note
If you can’t explain it to a five-year-old, you’re probably lying. If you can’t explain it to a PM, you’re definitely not working.
